Nebraska is going thru some 'stuff', and I broke the protocol she had established. Guess that means she is going to be sore with me. Que sera ... but will know more when I do hear from her again.
AKA is back, and is actually running well ... for someone who isn't going to win. I do not care at all for one of her brothers, and other than her Mom, I don't find myself particularly fond of her peeps. With her being close to her family, why should I enter a 'them or me' kind of relationship? Oh, that is just one of what are several issues I have with her, and they exclude any issues she would have to deal with in dealing with me.
Tee Jay ... still running second, but it is more like the 'who cares' second place in the AFC West in the '08 football season ... 8-8 San Diego won the divison but New England at 11-5 missed the playoff ... so who cares what the second place team in the West did, because it was nowhere near good enough to merit consideration for anything. What is it called ... oh yeah, ALSO RAN.
As to Nebraska ... I am still going to look for tickets for the late April - early May window I was originally looking at for a visit. It makes personal sense, and when she starts back talking with me, I will let her know that, hassle free. If it is a problem for her, then honestly, may have to scrub the whole thing.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
The New Year
I am still stoked about it!
Think ol' Nebraska is feeling a little bit jealous or something. Haven't spoken to her, to find out. And the medium leaves something to be desired. Should I call, or should I just leave well enough alone? I am going to IM her, and leave it at that.
AKA, is still as confusing as ever. We have words, go apart, and then she wants to set up closer to me ... and I let her. Don't know what is going to happen next month, with Valentine's and all.
And the reason for that, is Tee Jay and I are supposed to be getting together. I am going to pick out a place, I want to go to the Whitney, but it remains to be seen. Merriweather's is a fine place too. I want to save that place for Nebraska, should she ever visit, or just keep it for me!
There really isn't nothing to report. Mission Creep has begun of sorts, but I am going to nip that in the bud. I am still going to focus on having a strong first quarter of the year, and then look forward to my away trips.
Think ol' Nebraska is feeling a little bit jealous or something. Haven't spoken to her, to find out. And the medium leaves something to be desired. Should I call, or should I just leave well enough alone? I am going to IM her, and leave it at that.
AKA, is still as confusing as ever. We have words, go apart, and then she wants to set up closer to me ... and I let her. Don't know what is going to happen next month, with Valentine's and all.
And the reason for that, is Tee Jay and I are supposed to be getting together. I am going to pick out a place, I want to go to the Whitney, but it remains to be seen. Merriweather's is a fine place too. I want to save that place for Nebraska, should she ever visit, or just keep it for me!
There really isn't nothing to report. Mission Creep has begun of sorts, but I am going to nip that in the bud. I am still going to focus on having a strong first quarter of the year, and then look forward to my away trips.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
December Update
CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER
Okay, for the 2nd time in our awkward relationship, Nebraska has acted as if she may be 'feeling' me. A year ago, when we connected and started to arrange our meet, she was as head over heels as I am. But, knowing that is my approach, I also know that it is out of the ordinary.
When her feelings cooled as the date grew closer, I understood what was going on, and I just was holding on to the idea that she would at least show up in Chicago. She did, and while she was everything that I would have hoped for, I made less than a good impression on her. Que sera ... my feelings towards her hadn't changed.
Now, I may have fuzzy memories, but I do trust my feelings, my instincts. I remember how I felt trying to chat her up BEFORE I got back with Mookie. She doesn't think I remember how she made me FEEL ... can't give details, but I remember the feeling. One of the things that makes me wonder about 'what if', is that we were chatting before a 'market correction' absorbed what little stake I had left ... still in tens of thousands, but in the teens. Could have started us out, but I don't know what was on her mind.
Still don't. Right now, I don't know if she ever reads my journals, don't know what is going on in HER life. But she has been a more affectionate towards me this week ... surprised at my 'erotic' email, which I find odd. Don't know why she wouldn't think that I would not think of her that way ... anyway, I am wondering what has brought upon her change?
I don't ask her about what is going on with her and her boyfriend. He may have been going thru some changes, but she did not eloborate on them with me. He could have some family issues, professional or just personal that impacted on their relationship. She doesn't have to tell me what ...
... but she could tell me what is the result of whatever they are going thru. Does it mean I really have a shot at her or what?
Because I am pretty sure of how Tee Jay feels about me. Being 'excitedly patient' with her, maybe she will give me that second opportunity. Then that would mean I would have to get over my small hang ups, and merge with her in her life, if that is what she wants.
What she wants. Either her or Nebraska. If someone wants me, then I will find a way to get along. And I am not going to over think this. Between the advice Russ gave, Ken and Betty as well, I can't go whining about not knowing what to do. I know what to do ... just have to do it.
Took a big hit as far as money goes at the start of the month ... can see this spreading out over time as well. Que sera. Still can make the late winter/early srping trips ... will have to get with Nixxie and figure out what's what for me KT this summer. Would NOT mind going back down, if only for a weekend to go to an amusement park or something. We will see.
Right now, things are going well ... don't want to jinx myself. Finish this month off strong, and go from there.
Okay, for the 2nd time in our awkward relationship, Nebraska has acted as if she may be 'feeling' me. A year ago, when we connected and started to arrange our meet, she was as head over heels as I am. But, knowing that is my approach, I also know that it is out of the ordinary.
When her feelings cooled as the date grew closer, I understood what was going on, and I just was holding on to the idea that she would at least show up in Chicago. She did, and while she was everything that I would have hoped for, I made less than a good impression on her. Que sera ... my feelings towards her hadn't changed.
Now, I may have fuzzy memories, but I do trust my feelings, my instincts. I remember how I felt trying to chat her up BEFORE I got back with Mookie. She doesn't think I remember how she made me FEEL ... can't give details, but I remember the feeling. One of the things that makes me wonder about 'what if', is that we were chatting before a 'market correction' absorbed what little stake I had left ... still in tens of thousands, but in the teens. Could have started us out, but I don't know what was on her mind.
Still don't. Right now, I don't know if she ever reads my journals, don't know what is going on in HER life. But she has been a more affectionate towards me this week ... surprised at my 'erotic' email, which I find odd. Don't know why she wouldn't think that I would not think of her that way ... anyway, I am wondering what has brought upon her change?
I don't ask her about what is going on with her and her boyfriend. He may have been going thru some changes, but she did not eloborate on them with me. He could have some family issues, professional or just personal that impacted on their relationship. She doesn't have to tell me what ...
... but she could tell me what is the result of whatever they are going thru. Does it mean I really have a shot at her or what?
Because I am pretty sure of how Tee Jay feels about me. Being 'excitedly patient' with her, maybe she will give me that second opportunity. Then that would mean I would have to get over my small hang ups, and merge with her in her life, if that is what she wants.
What she wants. Either her or Nebraska. If someone wants me, then I will find a way to get along. And I am not going to over think this. Between the advice Russ gave, Ken and Betty as well, I can't go whining about not knowing what to do. I know what to do ... just have to do it.
Took a big hit as far as money goes at the start of the month ... can see this spreading out over time as well. Que sera. Still can make the late winter/early srping trips ... will have to get with Nixxie and figure out what's what for me KT this summer. Would NOT mind going back down, if only for a weekend to go to an amusement park or something. We will see.
Right now, things are going well ... don't want to jinx myself. Finish this month off strong, and go from there.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
BECAUSE I WANT IT SAID ALOUD
SIX MONTH CHECK-UP
Made some progress. Took some steps back. Balance sheet reads in the black, so I guess you know, I will take it.
Sort of want to get up and try to find a laptop, but doing something as reckless as that is out of the question. I said I will wait until sometime in the new year, and finding what suits me at a good price is going to be better than just running out and picking one up.
I still would like to move to Nebraska. At this precise moment though, there are issues coming up with that plan. One of the things that I am going to have to do, is be reliant on Nebraska (the person) being willing to help me catch on out there. At the present moment, she is going thru (is that a word? Spell check always wants to correct it!) some changes. She snapped off at me last week, and I don't think it was warranted. The vindictive anger of sister girls is one of the more problematic characteristics that I run into. Being mean for no other reason than to be mean ... how do they do it?
Anywho, she sort of 'went off', a vent that was meant to make me back off. That is something that I didn't feel was warranted, and it changes some aspects of my plan. Since she has already said that we don't have a future, I wonder if I wouldn't be better served finding my own way, here in Michigan. I can live in Lansing alone, and I think I would be able to take care of myself quite nicely, thank you. I could take the bus back and forth between there and where ever I wanted to go in Michigan. Nor would I have to worry about 'doing something stupid', by having to hear a dissenting opinon. If I wanted to ride out meet and greet some of the folks I have met online, I could.
The facts as I see them is that she won't let herself love me, not now or ever. I don't expect her to from on line, but she really doesn't give me much to go on, regardless. That is what is rubbing me the wrong way, and I won't get a chance to confirm it until I go out and see her on her territory. If she is still 'being black', then there could be a change in plans. Simply put, I don't think you are as hard to someone you are trying to be a good friend to. She has since apologized, but I don't know what I am going to make of it.
And I am full with being 'uncertain'.
Made some progress. Took some steps back. Balance sheet reads in the black, so I guess you know, I will take it.
Sort of want to get up and try to find a laptop, but doing something as reckless as that is out of the question. I said I will wait until sometime in the new year, and finding what suits me at a good price is going to be better than just running out and picking one up.
I still would like to move to Nebraska. At this precise moment though, there are issues coming up with that plan. One of the things that I am going to have to do, is be reliant on Nebraska (the person) being willing to help me catch on out there. At the present moment, she is going thru (is that a word? Spell check always wants to correct it!) some changes. She snapped off at me last week, and I don't think it was warranted. The vindictive anger of sister girls is one of the more problematic characteristics that I run into. Being mean for no other reason than to be mean ... how do they do it?
Anywho, she sort of 'went off', a vent that was meant to make me back off. That is something that I didn't feel was warranted, and it changes some aspects of my plan. Since she has already said that we don't have a future, I wonder if I wouldn't be better served finding my own way, here in Michigan. I can live in Lansing alone, and I think I would be able to take care of myself quite nicely, thank you. I could take the bus back and forth between there and where ever I wanted to go in Michigan. Nor would I have to worry about 'doing something stupid', by having to hear a dissenting opinon. If I wanted to ride out meet and greet some of the folks I have met online, I could.
The facts as I see them is that she won't let herself love me, not now or ever. I don't expect her to from on line, but she really doesn't give me much to go on, regardless. That is what is rubbing me the wrong way, and I won't get a chance to confirm it until I go out and see her on her territory. If she is still 'being black', then there could be a change in plans. Simply put, I don't think you are as hard to someone you are trying to be a good friend to. She has since apologized, but I don't know what I am going to make of it.
And I am full with being 'uncertain'.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Anniversary
Anniversary
This seems like one. Nebraska would drop me off to my Best Sister on a day that while not as chilly as today, was just as November overcast.
One of the 'Darkhorses' is my finding my way on my own. I am very sure that I can manage life on my own. I think I have access to enough resources to get the help that I will need to make a life for myself.
Part of the reason that this particular 'Darkhorse' runs so strong, is partly due to my relationship with Nebraska. Since she has made it clear that she doesn't see a future with me, going out there I am going to have to make it on my own. If that is the case, maybe instead of dancing with the 'devil I don't know', I could stay in Detroit and dance with the devil I do.
But I still don't like it here. Other than the Astoria Bakery, what? Can you give me a reason to stay here?
The possibility of something being out there for me, is sooo strong. So very strong. It will be neat to see her again, and make her say all those things to my face, about us not having a future together. Can't say that it will be the 'bell weather' as far as my decision making goes, but it does have its own impact.
Tee Jay ... what can I say about her? Not much, really. I could pursue her, but I don't want to, and that is for real. That isn't how the script is supposed to read, I am the one who should be falling over himself, trying to win her favor. And it isn't that I don't want to, but I haven't been able to manage that. I do think if I can hold myself until January, not stress myself until then, I will be better served.
Every time I run the 'devil you do' program, I want to pull up off the accelerator. I love everything about her, and that includes some of her 'less than cool' traits. That she would be willing to again put up with mine, and put up with 'the new me', still is going to be the question. How this 'new me' that I am still finding out about is going to deal with her ... don't know what is going to happen.
GETTING BACK ON MESSAGE
I want to go to Nebraska, in the same way that you want to do something when you are young, and hadn't thought of the consequences, you only see how cool it would be to do it. In fact, it is NOW, that some of what initially worried Nebraska about me, and my willingness to take a chance on someone I essentially don't know, begins to actually matter.
Some of it is 'same old, same old' kind of black folk stuff. Things that the 'kool aid drinkers' don't understand, so they want to believe you are a self-loathing oreo and a 'wannabe white', kind of colored. The irony is that she is of mixed heritage, and instead of us being of a similar background, she is a 'red flavor' girl.
Which means that even if she wanted to, she can't really give me a chance.
I understand her wanting financial security, and my not being able to provide much help in that area. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, and want to be appreciated for what I can bring to the table, to a potential partnership. She has HER girls, and want to get more help in providing for them. I can definitely dig that.
See, this is where the rubber starts to meet the road. I don't just think that there is something still in me, I KNOW IT. Maybe she can help me write a book, or keep me tracking in school and help me get a degree, and subsequently a job. What ever it took, we could do it.
PRONOUN TROUBLE
I do think some of it, is that women see the world differently than men, in general. They make decisions based on a more empirical process than men do. Men tend to let things distract them from what is critically important to them. When she speaks about what she needs to do for her girls', I can commiserate with her. Is she willing to give up everything for herself? Her beau, Rocket Man, apparently cares deeply for her, and can provide the financial security she worries about. But the love and romance? The sense of 'building something' and being committed to someone?
So she never mentions 'we'. She says a lot of 'I this' and 'you that'. I can understand it, but it doesn't mean I have to accept it as valid for ME. Does impact my going out there, and the reason is ... I can't see where someone who isn't in love with me, would be willing to work with me, without there being something for them to gain out of their efforts as well.
And see, that's me. I can still feel what the others in my 'lead pack' have for me. I have to more or less play my part and do my job. Because I already have the emotional content, I have to make sure that I can do what I am supposed to. What I would ask, would require of a person ... I don't see where their 'being in love' wouldn't be a part of a relationship with me.
"What's that? Oh, alright Russ. I am going to stop thinking about it. Gonna set the ground beef out to make some spaghetti for dinner. Easy and not much mess. And get myself back into character.
This seems like one. Nebraska would drop me off to my Best Sister on a day that while not as chilly as today, was just as November overcast.
One of the 'Darkhorses' is my finding my way on my own. I am very sure that I can manage life on my own. I think I have access to enough resources to get the help that I will need to make a life for myself.
Part of the reason that this particular 'Darkhorse' runs so strong, is partly due to my relationship with Nebraska. Since she has made it clear that she doesn't see a future with me, going out there I am going to have to make it on my own. If that is the case, maybe instead of dancing with the 'devil I don't know', I could stay in Detroit and dance with the devil I do.
But I still don't like it here. Other than the Astoria Bakery, what? Can you give me a reason to stay here?
The possibility of something being out there for me, is sooo strong. So very strong. It will be neat to see her again, and make her say all those things to my face, about us not having a future together. Can't say that it will be the 'bell weather' as far as my decision making goes, but it does have its own impact.
Tee Jay ... what can I say about her? Not much, really. I could pursue her, but I don't want to, and that is for real. That isn't how the script is supposed to read, I am the one who should be falling over himself, trying to win her favor. And it isn't that I don't want to, but I haven't been able to manage that. I do think if I can hold myself until January, not stress myself until then, I will be better served.
Every time I run the 'devil you do' program, I want to pull up off the accelerator. I love everything about her, and that includes some of her 'less than cool' traits. That she would be willing to again put up with mine, and put up with 'the new me', still is going to be the question. How this 'new me' that I am still finding out about is going to deal with her ... don't know what is going to happen.
GETTING BACK ON MESSAGE
I want to go to Nebraska, in the same way that you want to do something when you are young, and hadn't thought of the consequences, you only see how cool it would be to do it. In fact, it is NOW, that some of what initially worried Nebraska about me, and my willingness to take a chance on someone I essentially don't know, begins to actually matter.
Some of it is 'same old, same old' kind of black folk stuff. Things that the 'kool aid drinkers' don't understand, so they want to believe you are a self-loathing oreo and a 'wannabe white', kind of colored. The irony is that she is of mixed heritage, and instead of us being of a similar background, she is a 'red flavor' girl.
Which means that even if she wanted to, she can't really give me a chance.
I understand her wanting financial security, and my not being able to provide much help in that area. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, and want to be appreciated for what I can bring to the table, to a potential partnership. She has HER girls, and want to get more help in providing for them. I can definitely dig that.
See, this is where the rubber starts to meet the road. I don't just think that there is something still in me, I KNOW IT. Maybe she can help me write a book, or keep me tracking in school and help me get a degree, and subsequently a job. What ever it took, we could do it.
PRONOUN TROUBLE
I do think some of it, is that women see the world differently than men, in general. They make decisions based on a more empirical process than men do. Men tend to let things distract them from what is critically important to them. When she speaks about what she needs to do for her girls', I can commiserate with her. Is she willing to give up everything for herself? Her beau, Rocket Man, apparently cares deeply for her, and can provide the financial security she worries about. But the love and romance? The sense of 'building something' and being committed to someone?
So she never mentions 'we'. She says a lot of 'I this' and 'you that'. I can understand it, but it doesn't mean I have to accept it as valid for ME. Does impact my going out there, and the reason is ... I can't see where someone who isn't in love with me, would be willing to work with me, without there being something for them to gain out of their efforts as well.
And see, that's me. I can still feel what the others in my 'lead pack' have for me. I have to more or less play my part and do my job. Because I already have the emotional content, I have to make sure that I can do what I am supposed to. What I would ask, would require of a person ... I don't see where their 'being in love' wouldn't be a part of a relationship with me.
"What's that? Oh, alright Russ. I am going to stop thinking about it. Gonna set the ground beef out to make some spaghetti for dinner. Easy and not much mess. And get myself back into character.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Now that THAT'S over!
HE'S ELECTED
President Obama represents hope for me. Faith. I wanted to be on the right side of history, and I believe that I am.
Sen. McCain is a shadow of the person he was, when I first noticed him for real in his bid for the Republican nomination in '00. The dirty tricks corrupted him, and he let 'them' get to him. Fortunately, fate was not on his side. Neither him or Palin, were the people for the country or the times. I hope that Palin is revealed to be a flash in the pan. She drips of hypocrisy and is a social danger to American society.
If you ever wondered how 'The Dark Ages' came to pass, it was when people as flawed as Palin were elevated to leadership positions.
Good President or not, for me, hope won. Now, what is it that I am hoping for?
NEBRASKA OR TEE JAY?
How lonely am I? When Tee Jay and I speak, she says what I need to hear from someone. Just like I say the things she needs someone to say, unbidden and volunteered, with no strings attached. Like we did when we first met.
There has to be a process to this, and I am still working things out. I don't expect to go forward with anything until I know what it is I am doing, and I know where it is I am heading. I don't think I have to have an 'exact destination', as I think I am one of those 'people'.
That is why when Russ reminded me that 'I think too much', I kept it in steady rotation. It was something that I have known for some time and that I can get lost in my thoughts. Since I keep walking up and down the steps trying to remember what it is I went to one place looking for, 'thinking' isn't something I can afford to get lost in.
The election is the bell weather for that. It is telling me to hope for what I want, and never stop believing that 'I can happen'. Do I need to know how, or do I need to get going on being somewhere other than where I am? This is one of the few 'can't lose' choices I am going to have in my life. The committment is what is going to matter.
GOING BACK TO 'THINKING'
I don't know what Nebraska needs to 'see' to be different regarding me. I don't brag about my relationships, because a real cat doesn't need to, but this isn't what I am accustomed to. Maybe it is the difference, or it could be that what she sees in 'us' isn't something she wants to get used to or is looking for.
She makes me think too much. I know the difference between my wanting her, and her wanting me. Don't get me wrong, because I am looking forward to establishing myself in a new place and 'going exploring' with Calvin and Hobbes. But I could do that here. Or in North Carolina. Maybe Georgia with Sandie. I also have a fondness for Columbus, and that would be a totally new place, where when the rubber meets the road, it is all on ME.
If I can just 'date' Tee Jay and let things evolve, who knows? I want to take things out west first, to see for myself 'what's what'. After that, I will make my move.
IT'S THE LONLINESS, STUPID
That is what I am fighting right now. The Librarian left me hanging. Maybe I will take another shot at her. I can keep my distance and still have a friend. Pretty confident with how this celibacy thing is working out, so I can deal with that.
SD sent me pictures of her trip to China. She looked like she had a ball, as it was a working vacay. She is ... too much thought. I don't like the slot she has for me in her life. Maybe that is how it is going to be for me, no matter what. New 'what's happenin', old flames, I got to get a handle on the environment.
But I told myself that I won't worry about this until after the first of the year, and I meant it. So make it happen, Mark!
President Obama represents hope for me. Faith. I wanted to be on the right side of history, and I believe that I am.
Sen. McCain is a shadow of the person he was, when I first noticed him for real in his bid for the Republican nomination in '00. The dirty tricks corrupted him, and he let 'them' get to him. Fortunately, fate was not on his side. Neither him or Palin, were the people for the country or the times. I hope that Palin is revealed to be a flash in the pan. She drips of hypocrisy and is a social danger to American society.
If you ever wondered how 'The Dark Ages' came to pass, it was when people as flawed as Palin were elevated to leadership positions.
Good President or not, for me, hope won. Now, what is it that I am hoping for?
NEBRASKA OR TEE JAY?
How lonely am I? When Tee Jay and I speak, she says what I need to hear from someone. Just like I say the things she needs someone to say, unbidden and volunteered, with no strings attached. Like we did when we first met.
There has to be a process to this, and I am still working things out. I don't expect to go forward with anything until I know what it is I am doing, and I know where it is I am heading. I don't think I have to have an 'exact destination', as I think I am one of those 'people'.
That is why when Russ reminded me that 'I think too much', I kept it in steady rotation. It was something that I have known for some time and that I can get lost in my thoughts. Since I keep walking up and down the steps trying to remember what it is I went to one place looking for, 'thinking' isn't something I can afford to get lost in.
The election is the bell weather for that. It is telling me to hope for what I want, and never stop believing that 'I can happen'. Do I need to know how, or do I need to get going on being somewhere other than where I am? This is one of the few 'can't lose' choices I am going to have in my life. The committment is what is going to matter.
GOING BACK TO 'THINKING'
I don't know what Nebraska needs to 'see' to be different regarding me. I don't brag about my relationships, because a real cat doesn't need to, but this isn't what I am accustomed to. Maybe it is the difference, or it could be that what she sees in 'us' isn't something she wants to get used to or is looking for.
She makes me think too much. I know the difference between my wanting her, and her wanting me. Don't get me wrong, because I am looking forward to establishing myself in a new place and 'going exploring' with Calvin and Hobbes. But I could do that here. Or in North Carolina. Maybe Georgia with Sandie. I also have a fondness for Columbus, and that would be a totally new place, where when the rubber meets the road, it is all on ME.
If I can just 'date' Tee Jay and let things evolve, who knows? I want to take things out west first, to see for myself 'what's what'. After that, I will make my move.
IT'S THE LONLINESS, STUPID
That is what I am fighting right now. The Librarian left me hanging. Maybe I will take another shot at her. I can keep my distance and still have a friend. Pretty confident with how this celibacy thing is working out, so I can deal with that.
SD sent me pictures of her trip to China. She looked like she had a ball, as it was a working vacay. She is ... too much thought. I don't like the slot she has for me in her life. Maybe that is how it is going to be for me, no matter what. New 'what's happenin', old flames, I got to get a handle on the environment.
But I told myself that I won't worry about this until after the first of the year, and I meant it. So make it happen, Mark!
Monday, November 3, 2008
SPECIAL ELECTION ISSUE!
ANOTHER BIG DAY ..!
But first, my view on the presidential election.
First, I want Barack Obama to win. Still, I wonder why it is HIS TIME and not Hilary Clinton.
Why is this a concern? Because being caught up in the wave that Obama's candidacy has become, I am wondering exactly where did his money come from? Are we supposed to believe that he got hundreds of millions in small $5 and $10 dollar donations? C'mon on, man!!
I mentioned that I am hoping whoever wins, it is a transcendent, heroic quality person. By default, it is Obama. McCain chafed already at the legacy he faced, being a crap sailor while at Annapolis (what, graduated in the 860's out of a class of 880's?) and he had his sketchy times as a senator (can you say 'Keating 5?'). His rise to the Republican spot, makes me wonder if he has sold his soul, and it is obvious that Gov. Stil-- er, Palin has obviously been a quick study of Dick Cheney, and has her eyes on making policy from the veeps spot.
She is evil. Like Greg Stilson, the loser who nearly ascended to the Presidency in Stephen King's book, 'The Dead Zone'. It will be bringing down a curtain of darkness, should she ever hold high elected office again. After watching and watching the documentary, 'Why We Fight', she is just the person NOT to be in charge of the military, with her fundamental religious zeal, she will destroy the world, expecting to go into heaven.
With her sin filled family. Right. I will take TWO of those.
Gonna write Mary Jo at some point, to explain why I am the way that I am when she gets frustrated being out with her Ma, sometimes. I can understand that it is difficult at times, because that is part of the reasons (because there are more than one), AKA is looking like someone I am going to put on the outside of my life. I get tired of dealing with her at times, and she doesn't seem to grasp what I am dealing with, especially with her crap. Since I don't have to, I won't.
Mary Jo is fortunate. She has her Ma, and I don't. The things she brought up, about some of the frustrations that may make her Mom the way she is, I never got a chance to discuss those kinds of things with my Mom. I have felt that if my Mom was a guy, she would have been a lot like me, stuck with beautiful children out of wedlock, with enormous potential frittering away, and twisting and fighting the hook that life has set in her.
It isn't like I don't get what she is saying, more like I am bringing a different perspective for her to consider. I know that what I feel isn't what she feels, with her situation. But when I look to my 'future', I can also see where there ISN'T going to be a daughter to look after me ... certainly not Skye, and KT or Lexxie, I don't think it would be fair to ask them to care for a mentally slipping absentee Dad.
The point was driven home today, getting lost going from downtown, up Michigan as I tried to get to Fairlane Green. I got lost and turned around so many times, rigding through Allen Park and Melvindale, as well as the Ford area of Dearborn. I had tears of anxiety coming out of my eyes, the stress pressing down on me was so great. But I wouldn't give in to the panic. I eventually found my way, and did what I set out to do. Riding down the M-39 service drive, past the bleakness where the Herman-Gardens once stood Joy Road looking like the urban nightmare that folks in fly-over country imagine when they think of the big city, I kept on going.
And though I set out at one o'clock, and didn't get in until nine twenty pm, I made it, fighting through it all, the doubts and dare I say it, the fear, to do what I set out to do. Going to Nebraska, I would have to be able to handle my own. If I stay HERE I have to handle my own. Going ANYWHERE I will need to be self-sufficient.
But first, my view on the presidential election.
First, I want Barack Obama to win. Still, I wonder why it is HIS TIME and not Hilary Clinton.
Why is this a concern? Because being caught up in the wave that Obama's candidacy has become, I am wondering exactly where did his money come from? Are we supposed to believe that he got hundreds of millions in small $5 and $10 dollar donations? C'mon on, man!!
I mentioned that I am hoping whoever wins, it is a transcendent, heroic quality person. By default, it is Obama. McCain chafed already at the legacy he faced, being a crap sailor while at Annapolis (what, graduated in the 860's out of a class of 880's?) and he had his sketchy times as a senator (can you say 'Keating 5?'). His rise to the Republican spot, makes me wonder if he has sold his soul, and it is obvious that Gov. Stil-- er, Palin has obviously been a quick study of Dick Cheney, and has her eyes on making policy from the veeps spot.
She is evil. Like Greg Stilson, the loser who nearly ascended to the Presidency in Stephen King's book, 'The Dead Zone'. It will be bringing down a curtain of darkness, should she ever hold high elected office again. After watching and watching the documentary, 'Why We Fight', she is just the person NOT to be in charge of the military, with her fundamental religious zeal, she will destroy the world, expecting to go into heaven.
With her sin filled family. Right. I will take TWO of those.
Gonna write Mary Jo at some point, to explain why I am the way that I am when she gets frustrated being out with her Ma, sometimes. I can understand that it is difficult at times, because that is part of the reasons (because there are more than one), AKA is looking like someone I am going to put on the outside of my life. I get tired of dealing with her at times, and she doesn't seem to grasp what I am dealing with, especially with her crap. Since I don't have to, I won't.
Mary Jo is fortunate. She has her Ma, and I don't. The things she brought up, about some of the frustrations that may make her Mom the way she is, I never got a chance to discuss those kinds of things with my Mom. I have felt that if my Mom was a guy, she would have been a lot like me, stuck with beautiful children out of wedlock, with enormous potential frittering away, and twisting and fighting the hook that life has set in her.
It isn't like I don't get what she is saying, more like I am bringing a different perspective for her to consider. I know that what I feel isn't what she feels, with her situation. But when I look to my 'future', I can also see where there ISN'T going to be a daughter to look after me ... certainly not Skye, and KT or Lexxie, I don't think it would be fair to ask them to care for a mentally slipping absentee Dad.
The point was driven home today, getting lost going from downtown, up Michigan as I tried to get to Fairlane Green. I got lost and turned around so many times, rigding through Allen Park and Melvindale, as well as the Ford area of Dearborn. I had tears of anxiety coming out of my eyes, the stress pressing down on me was so great. But I wouldn't give in to the panic. I eventually found my way, and did what I set out to do. Riding down the M-39 service drive, past the bleakness where the Herman-Gardens once stood Joy Road looking like the urban nightmare that folks in fly-over country imagine when they think of the big city, I kept on going.
And though I set out at one o'clock, and didn't get in until nine twenty pm, I made it, fighting through it all, the doubts and dare I say it, the fear, to do what I set out to do. Going to Nebraska, I would have to be able to handle my own. If I stay HERE I have to handle my own. Going ANYWHERE I will need to be self-sufficient.
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