December Update

CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER

Okay, for the 2nd time in our awkward relationship, Nebraska has acted as if she may be 'feeling' me. A year ago, when we connected and started to arrange our meet, she was as head over heels as I am. But, knowing that is my approach, I also know that it is out of the ordinary.

When her feelings cooled as the date grew closer, I understood what was going on, and I just was holding on to the idea that she would at least show up in Chicago. She did, and while she was everything that I would have hoped for, I made less than a good impression on her. Que sera ... my feelings towards her hadn't changed.

Now, I may have fuzzy memories, but I do trust my feelings, my instincts. I remember how I felt trying to chat her up BEFORE I got back with Mookie. She doesn't think I remember how she made me FEEL ... can't give details, but I remember the feeling. One of the things that makes me wonder about 'what if', is that we were chatting before a 'market correction' absorbed what little stake I had left ... still in tens of thousands, but in the teens. Could have started us out, but I don't know what was on her mind.

Still don't. Right now, I don't know if she ever reads my journals, don't know what is going on in HER life. But she has been a more affectionate towards me this week ... surprised at my 'erotic' email, which I find odd. Don't know why she wouldn't think that I would not think of her that way ... anyway, I am wondering what has brought upon her change?

I don't ask her about what is going on with her and her boyfriend. He may have been going thru some changes, but she did not eloborate on them with me. He could have some family issues, professional or just personal that impacted on their relationship. She doesn't have to tell me what ...

... but she could tell me what is the result of whatever they are going thru. Does it mean I really have a shot at her or what?

Because I am pretty sure of how Tee Jay feels about me. Being 'excitedly patient' with her, maybe she will give me that second opportunity. Then that would mean I would have to get over my small hang ups, and merge with her in her life, if that is what she wants.

What she wants. Either her or Nebraska. If someone wants me, then I will find a way to get along. And I am not going to over think this. Between the advice Russ gave, Ken and Betty as well, I can't go whining about not knowing what to do. I know what to do ... just have to do it.

Took a big hit as far as money goes at the start of the month ... can see this spreading out over time as well. Que sera. Still can make the late winter/early srping trips ... will have to get with Nixxie and figure out what's what for me KT this summer. Would NOT mind going back down, if only for a weekend to go to an amusement park or something. We will see.

Right now, things are going well ... don't want to jinx myself. Finish this month off strong, and go from there.