THE HUSBAND AND WIFE PLAY NEEDS TO BE REMOVED FROM THE PLAYBOOK

I think that most people have problems with separating the fiction of their own preconceived notions from the harshness of the realities of the world around them.  The fantasies that they create are coping mechanisms for the disappointment and pain that are too much for their consciousness to bear.

My sister spoke as if I should have known that she would make sure that I would have been able to come to her wedding, not matter what.  That ISN'T what she said when I first expressed my reservations when I told her that I was moving to Omaha shortly before her wedding date and I would not be able to afford to be at her wedding.  To hear her say that I should have let her knowhow much finacial stress that my participation in her wedding is on me and that she would have shouldered the some, if not all, of the costs that are burdensome on me.

This is where the separation from reality begins and the technicolor begins to blur.  While she admits to how influential in a positive way I have been on her, she brushes off the things she has done that worked against me in a most harmful way.  Her one defence... 'I was young' does not measure up against our blood ties and I won't ever forgive her.  People say that not being able forgive is like holding on to weight and is a burden that I put upon myself.  I disagree.  I think that the remembering is what keeps me aware of the risks that are involved whenever roads cross and my sisters are involved.

What I will do is ask her if she can pay to have my other boxes mailed to me from Detroit.  I won't mention the dent this is going to put on my Christmas and how it will leave me jammed up for who knows how long.  That simply isn't my way and this will provide me the leverage to move beyond my family.  I don't know if I will ever see any of them in any better light to make me want to travel to SEE them, but with LouCeel, Ken and Beth, I could find a place to stay while I visit my friends in the area.  Also, the bigger win could be in the 'in case of emergency', especially if her marriage is long and happy.  I may need someone to care for me at some point in my future. 

As far as Nebraska and me are concerned, our relationship has degraded very quickly since I have been in town.  There have been several very bad moments and this weekend has encapsulates nearly all of our misunderstandings only with greater consequences. 

I am not satisfied with how we communicate with each other.  The electronic forms that she uses to send me 'updates' leave much to be desired as we always infer different things from the brief texts and impersonal emails that we use to keep up with one another. 

What I think that I understand about her is that first, her priority is her children, not only is it commendable, but it is also hers to own.  My understanding of her thinking is that her main consideration is her daughters and that I am to remain at a distance.  That is how it has been with other men in her life, online relationships or with people who lived out of town.  She often said that she could foresee problems between us, mainly because she would be the 'wind rustling the leaves in the trees', that she would either do or say something that would cause us to split.  She wasn't wrong about that. 

I don't have an issue with putting the majority of the problems between us, particularly this trip, on her.  After all, she DID promise to get me to Chicago and I took her at her word.  That is NOT what is happening.  I am going to catch the bus and my sister is going to arrange to have me picked up from there.  This is going to be a long 96 hours.  We don't have much communication and when we do...

I don't care for us not talking at all.  I don't like her snarky emails and I don't like replying to them.  If the intent is to anger me, she does that.  But is that what she means?  Because I don't know her as well as she thinks she knows me, we will continue to step on toes until one of us decides to stop dancing and either sign up for lessons or decided to leave the party.