… and how was YOUR day ..?
Mine was pretty fine, after a stumbling start. I forgot that the Mook’s were going to be home due to the MLK holiday. That kind of threw me off my square. My therapist had rescheduled our appointment for Wednesday, and it IS cold outside to be riding a bike aimlessly.
So I thought today was going to be a struggle. My and Mookie Dee did manage a decent breakie, and even had a nice Seinfeld -ian conversation. Lil’ Mook stirred, and they would dress and go out shopping. Mookie Dee is a LL Cool J fan, and they won tickets to a concert back in the Motor. Actually, her daughter did, and she ALWAYS win those call-in on the radio. She is uncanny at that! Anyway, they went out to the local mall to look for stuff. That allowed me to breath a little, because I had spent the weekend, and though it went well, I didn’t want to push my luck!
Even though I had my ‘space’, I was still feeling rather dingy. Don’t know what was the cause. Days like today, where I am of my routine, can give me a case of the ‘uncertains’. And that is not cool. So I cheated.
HOW TO CHEAT
I wandered the house looking for comfort food, for the same reason ANYONE looks for comfort food. I usually let my ride to my therapist count as my aerobic workout, and then do some light floor work. Since I wanted to eat something off the reservation, I told myself that I could, but I had to do a nice run, at least 3 miles. Yes Virginia, I know the temp out doors, but in layers, with my ear and hands covered, it takes a less than a minute to warm up. So I did a run.
Coming in, I did some floor work with my stability ball, a little stretch stuff and shadowed up for 15 minutes. Whatever mental toxins that were in me had flushed right out. I went and picked up a soda pop, pop a Marie Callendar pot pie in the oven, and showered.
The food was done and the Mook’s arrived shortly after. MD dropped the baby off, and went back out for a pizza using a credit from a screwed order. Then the movie ‘Gothika’ with Halle Berry came on … which was okay, especially for something just caught on TV, no effort to find it. What WAS surprising was that Mookie sat and watched with me. Now, I got to wonder … last week we had an actual conversation, and today she sat and watched a movie that had “Mark” all over it.
AS A PREDATOR THINKETH …
This is why I don’t mind criticism. There is a reader of my musing who thinks clearly that I am a crap guy. I am like sooo cool with that, because I don’t let the crap in me define me. I don’t WANT to be a crap guy, so I don’t mind what she says. Because as ‘sensitive and caring’ or even as ‘effeminite’ as I may seem, I am STILL a guy. And when it comes down to it, I ACT like a guy.
See, I recognize where I am in this relationship has more in common to what a female role is than the stereotypical male. Is Mookie steppin’ out? That possibility has crossed my mind more than once or even twice … I can make change for a nickel with the regularity of our rolls in the hay per month …
My ego doesn’t bruise by that kind of blow. That is more like a slap with a velvet glove. It is this twisting thing that has gotten to me. It is the dismissing of my needs and the lack of attention that trouble me more. That is unmistakable. So whether or not she is steppin’, doesn’t it all add up to the same thing for me? By her taking the time out to engage me in the kind of unique conversation that you share with a person you care about, then taking time away from what ever ‘New York’ is doing or who is rump shakin’ on BET to watch ‘Gothika’ with me …
Well, being more comfortable with the predator’s role in this particular jungle, I STILL don’t get over excited with a couple of random incidents. That is what a guy would do, to through his girl off his trail …
CONCLUSION
Not going to over think things … trying to get out of that. But it did feel good to feel like I mattered around here for once ..!
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