INTO THE GRAY

I am in the midst of a depressive event.  I had hoped that it was lessening but it feels as entrenched as ever.  Currently I am getting ready to go to school and drop my other class for this term and schedule an appointment with my career counselor and meet with the TRIO counselor as well.

After that, I plan on coming home and getting up to go to the gym this evening.  That is going to be a test because I feel tired and returning to my apartment where it is comfortable and leaving out again is going to be a challenge.  But I want to see if I can do it, specifically to see how much "push back" is still in me.

Princess is having a rough week as well.  If we get together at all this weekend, I figure to be more in her service, and that is something that always pulls me out of this kind of thing, doing something for someone else.

Nebraska and our friendship... what can I say?  One of my goals in my life is to not have too many "friendship opportunities", times where a person can demonstrate how much of a friend they can be in my life.  She had mentioned that if she was needed simply to keep me company, she would be willing to do that to, to comfort me.  And this is where I think the problem is between us and why we have so many problems communicating.

I think that there is a certain way I need to approach her for help.  Unfortunately, at my better times I could not find that way.  As of now, I am definitely not in the state to be walking the line to get her to "be there" for me.  She had mentioned that if it meant that she simply came over and sat with me, held me for a little while, she would be up for that.  But crossing the divide between us is not easy for me in better times... much less right now.

Man... I am soo tired!!  Hope that I can at least make it to the gym ... I will do something once I get there... not going to worry about weight, just DOING WORK..!